Thursday, March 29, 2012

The comforts of getting old

I've been thinking a lot about our 10-year high school reunion coming up and how much things have changed since high school. You wouldn't think in a mere 10 years you feel like a completely different person, but I do. And I'm sure most people I know do. The things that were important in high school seem like a joke now. Life has gotten so real, but at the same time, I look back at life then and compare it to now, and I'm so much better now than I ever was. I actually feel excited to go to the reunion, which isn't something I predicted for myself. I didn't like high school that much. Of course I have some great memories of really fun times, but it was a very uncomfortable time for me... I think it's like that for a lot of kids.

I think the reason I'm excited about it is I'm actually comfortable with myself now. Maybe it took me longer than my friends, I don't really care. But at the age of 28, I'm finally feeling like I know myself and I'm starting to see what I want for my life, not what someone else wanted. It takes a strong person to be confident in themselves... I think I had to face a lot of things in my life before I could ever look at myself and see ME.

There are two reasons I'm finally to this point... my boyfriend Chris, and my bold move to take a chance on Mary Kay. When you fall in love, you realize things about yourself you never ever knew. I look back on how my relationship came to be and the fact that Chris and I were in high school together but didn't get together until years later. That's GOD... all GOD. He knew we were two different people in high school than we are today and that's why our relationship didn't develop until we were both older. We weren't ready for each other back then, because we hadn't tested ourselves... we didn't know ourselves. And in our relationship today, we're still finding ourselves. Mary Kay is the way I'm finding myself. Chris is a marine, and let's be honest, can we all think of a way to get to know yourself and test yourself better than going through the Marine Corps and fighting wars..? Not really... that's pretty hardcore "getting to know yourself". It's what Chris needed... and what I needed was Mary Kay.

I think a lot of people think I'm crazy the way I've taken to MK, but I don't really care. It's not just my job, it's my livelihood, it's my purpose every day. I have learned more about myself in Mary Kay training in the past 3 years than in the first 25 years of my life. Because it's scary to bet on yourself when you don't even really know yourself. Scary but not at all impossible. It takes faith and it teaches you faith. My relationship with God is great, and continuing every day to get greater. I have Mary Kay to thank for that. My faith was really being tested before MK, and I think I was failing. There are things in my life that I had to face that no one, even the closest friends of mine, know about. That's true, still to this day. When you're tested, and you take on those tests with God by your side, you come out of them so much better. I can't say I'm thankful for some of the things that have happened, but I can say I'm thankful for the things they're teaching me.... like, high school was a lifetime away, and every single stupid insecurity I had back then is fading away... because I CHOOSE to make them go away, and I CHOOSE to believe in myself more than other people believe in me. I could be focused on a lot of negative feelings about high school, about mean girls and guys, or stupid things that happened or that people did to me, but I CHOOSE to be focused on remembering the fun things and looking at how far we've all come.

10 years is a long time, especially throughout your 20s. A lot can happen... the biggest things that have happened to me are falling in love and beginning to find myself. I don't care if it takes me longer or if everyone else already has everything figured out in their lives. I don't care if it seems like "I'm behind" because I'm not... I'm living the wonderful life my Father in Heaven has given me at the pace he intended. In high school, you focus on being on the same page as everyone else... 10 years later, you focus on standing out and not being one of the crowd. I think deep down, I've never been one of the crowd, I just thought I was supposed to be. But I value myself more than that now, and it's the most freeing feeling. Bring on the reunion because all it means to me is great memories with a few great friends that I don't get to see as often as I'd like, because life at 28 years old is crazy ;-)

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