Hey y'all! Happy Friday! Are you prepped for Christmas already? I basically have present wrapping left and that's about it. Need to find a moment away from Kendall for that ;)
Just wanted to write a quick post today and give a little life update! No, I'm not pregnant lol just gonna get that out there right away!! But I do have a big announcement! I'm back to being a full time stay-at-home mom! (Well, work-from-home mom I guess would be more accurate since I'm still a Beauty Consultant AND I'm working much more on my blog!) AND Chris has a new job! There have been lots of changes around here and we're both much happier :)
I decided to leave my job with Shop Small about a month ago, actually maybe even more; I can't even remember now. I didn't want to talk about it until some last details were smoothed out. It's a decision I've been contemplating for months and months now. If you're a close friend, I've probably talked to you about it. My family members definitely knew it was something I was struggling with for a long time. I didn't plan to leave until after the new year... I didn't want to go until after the holidays since Christmas time is so busy for the retail shop and I wanted it to be a easy transition where there was time for me to help train someone new; the job is way more than you might see from the outside.
But truth be told, I started struggling months ago with being away from Kendall more and feeling like I wasn't being the mom I could be (or the wife and housekeeper I wanted to be). The work schedule wasn't exactly a grueling one... my hours weren't a lot BUT it wasn't ideal for me at all. When I added on extra hours for events, it stressed me out. And on top of that, I was told from the beginning that my hours wouldn't remain the same and that eventually I wouldn't be the only one working Saturdays... but I was the only one working Saturdays. Chris' schedule was extremely busy and we hardly ever saw each other. The weekends were our only family time and it really started to wear on me not being able to spend the day with my husband and child. I think I maybe took off one full Saturday while I worked and one other time I came in a few hours late to attend a blogger event. Blogging events are the other reason I wanted to have more flexible Saturdays. I've missed way too many brunches and networking events, and I wasn't able to launch my own blogger brunch at all in 2019 like I planned. All of my dreams were being put on the back burner. I was also so mentally exhausted that I didn't have any time to take care of myself or exercise. For someone with anxiety, having outside time and regular exercise is so important.
There were still many more reasons I decided to let go of this adventure, most that I won't discuss. But another big one was that I really wanted this job because I was excited to learn new things; I wanted more experience in social media and event planning, and I was also hired to help a lot with marketing of a small business. A lot of those things really didn't pan out. It became painfully obvious after a little while that I wasn't going to be given certain opportunities and I was going to watch outside people be hired for those things and never be "promoted" or whatever you'd like to call it.
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that things aren't going to be what you thought and decide whether it's worth it or not. After a little while, I really started to feel very upset about the time I was missing with Kendall and the stress I had taken on willingly, and the sacrifice of my own personal business ventures and goals. It started to affect my mood; I was losing sleep and I was just really unhappy. I prayed over the decision for months; I really tried to turn it around and figure it out but I kept coming back to the unhappy place. I felt like I lost a lot of myself. It made me so sad because it's not at all what I saw happening. It also made me sad because there were certain aspects I really like a lot. I loved working with the vendors and small business owners and I LOVED interacting with the customers. I was actually surprised how much I enjoyed the retail side of the job. I loved the customers so much and had a lot of fun talking with them, meeting new people and helping them find what they needed.
Like I mentioned, I wanted to keep trying for awhile, especially until after the holidays, but something went down and one day I was just like, ok that's it, this is unhealthy for me. I only share that because I hope that anyone reading this can be self-aware of whether something is serving you in a healthy way. If a person or a job isn't, it's ok to walk away. I'm lucky that I had the choice. Starting to work outside the home part time was a total choice (again, lucky me) and it's something I did for experience and not out of necessity. I did it totally for ME because I was drowning as a mom. So I had to remember that; I didn't HAVE TO do this to myself and I could walk away if need be. I totally understand that not everyone can just leave a job if they want. I'm blessed that I had a choice.
We are also really blessed that Chris has accepted a new job. It was a hard transition time when we both decided to leave the jobs we had and not a decision either of us took lightly. When you have a home and a child, bills and obligations, you don't just up and quit one day for no reason. It's been a time when we've really had to come together and I'm proud that we are both so supportive of each other. Chris has stayed in the plumbing field but now he's working for a larger company and his job has changed to more of the management side rather than the new construction plumbing (physical labor) he was doing before. I'm so proud of him for how hard he worked and how dedicated he was to learning as much about plumbing and gas lines as he did; if he hadn't busted his ass at the last job, he wouldn't have been offered this job. So there's a lesson there- sometimes you really have to suck it up and do what's in front of you because it'll pay off later.
I have high hopes that 2020 is going to be off to a really good start for us. 2019 was rough. It may not have looked that way, but it really was. We hit some lows and really had some struggles behind the scenes. We really had to stop and take a look at how both of our unhappiness was affecting the family as a whole and we had to make some changes. BIG. LIFE. CHANGES.
Yesterday I took Kendall to school and I went back to her school 2 other times during the day. I was able to watch her Nativity reenactment, I was able to get her teacher Christmas gifts and I was able to put together little gifts for her classmates and be there for her Christmas party. I actually started to cry a little bit after picking her up from school because I was so happy that I got to see these moments, and that Chris was at work with good people that have already shown in just a few weeks how much they value him and care about him and our family. Whatever Kendall has in her near future, I'll be able to be there and cheer her on and we'll be able to continue sending her to her amazing school. We have been so blessed recently that it was a little overwhelming to me. It's been a few big changes but I already see that it's for the better and we're all at peace. Because that's all I really wanted... some PEACE.
Family is the most important. Merry Christmas from the Altizers!
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